just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
