did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
you didnt know i had herpes?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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