last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
