I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
