I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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