not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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