I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
