Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
