I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
