I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
