You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
