the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Randomize
