it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
