be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
