he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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