I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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