New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
