like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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