stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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