I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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