dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
