you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
