I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
