9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
