I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
