If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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