We named our party play list daddy issues
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Randomize
