Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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