I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
