You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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