Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
How does it feel to date your dad?
i think i just lost a toe
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
