Barsexuality is the new black.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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