last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize
