What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
