Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
