Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
