I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
