While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
