threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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