I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
