you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I want her autograph on my taint
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
