Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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