adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
