True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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