he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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