Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Randomize
