I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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