So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
