I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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