wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
