I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
